


Slytherin! My ship will sail!

by Galaxy_Angst



Category: Harry Potter - Fandom
Genre: But sirius Black is in this, Cedric is still savage, Crack and Angst, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, M/M, Minor Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley, Onesided Harrymort, Ron can’t keep his thoughts to himself, This isn’t serious, mixed up events, onesided tomarry, sorting hat ships Drarry, voldemort is like a teenager
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 09:29:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15748935
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Galaxy_Angst/pseuds/Galaxy_Angst
Summary: The sorting hat ships Drarry so hard that it throws the rule book out because it will go down with the ship! Harry is very confused but then again he is Harry Friggin Potter what do you expect from him? Draco is obsessed with Harry (obviously) but not as much as Voldie. Voldemort is that toxic fan everyone hates.{Do not repost any of my work}





	Slytherin! My ship will sail!

**Author's Note:**

> I’m bored and just want to write something of little thinking and seriousness, so yeah also I might include A very potter musical stuff it’s very possible. And if I didn’t do that then the medallion says that’s stupid ~ Sirius

Harry Potter was attending Hogwarts and everyone thought that it was gonna be lit as fuck although some students already wanted to go home, muggleborns mostly. They missed their families that wouldn’t be going with them to the strange new school in a whole new world. 

Voldie didn’t have a body so he used a professor at Hogwarts like someone would a whore, Voldie wanted to meet the child that defeated him 11 years ago. He wanted him to sign his Zefron poster because having the poster itself with The boy who lived signature on it would be good material for later. 

Harry Potter wandered into Ollivanders wand shop to purchase a wand once inside he was confronted by Ollivsnder himself holding a box with strange looking wand images on them. “Are those wands?” Harry asked crossing his arms the old man laughed a bit “I would entertain your curiosity, but you’re not old enough to have one of these ‘wands’” Ollivander coughed chucking the box underneath his desk. 

Harry rolled his eyes “My aunt Petunia has one of those ‘wands’ sir she doesn’t like magic so they’re not wands, so why are you selling them?” He asked the man although he’d rather not know the reason however his curiosity couldn’t let him not to know the answer. 

“It started as an inside joke at first Mr Potter, but as most know a joke can backfire so I sell these ‘wands’ as a side job to selling actual wands” Ollivander explained hesitantly seeming to be growing uncomfortable discussing his side business with a child. 

“I’m Harry Friggin Potter I can handle the wand talk sir” the boy who lived explained a little to which Ollivander dismisses as he hurriedly takes out an actual wand giving it to Harry to test. While they test through wands the boy perisists on asking about the ‘wands’ under the desk, Ollivander losses his shit and tosses a load of boxes filled with wands at the boy “Take them and leave me alone” he hissed his face turning into a snakes head hissing at the boy.

“Free of charge” he whispered sticking out his forked tongue causing Harry to make a face “Why are you a snake?” He questioned the man-snake being his green eyes glowing with his undying curiosity. Ollivander shrugged his shoulders “I do what the fuck I want” Harry left him alone taking the boxes of wands with him. On his journey to find Hagrid he tested out 4 different wands, broke 2 lampposts and almost killed a spare.

The last wand was totally awesome and lit as fuck like his eyes because they were bright with hope, his tingle senses told him his future husband was nearby. He bumped into Hagrid as he turned a corner falling back into a blonde boy wearing rich boy clothes he became exited thinking he’d met his husband only for his dream to be crushed. 

It was a blonde rich husband wannabe, Harry felt so mad he wandlessly killed him. Hagrid stood staring at the body in shock and began questioning his entire existence, Harry unknowingly created a Horcrux because he’s Harry Friggin Potter okay? His Horcrux was the dead wannabe husband’s lipgloss that had fallen from his robes. 

Harry pocketed it and led a dazed Hagrid away into a pet store ordering the mindless Hagrid to get him an owl. They ended up leaving with a snowy owl and Hagrid was shortly arrested for throttling the store owner and not paying for the owl, Harry watched on stroking his owl like he would a cat in his lap. 

He went too get his robes fitted and that is when he spotted his future husband ‘play it cool Harry’ he told himself explaining to a worker he wanted his robes fitted. He stood next to the blonde boy feeling overwhelmed the blonde turned to him his eyes gazing at him intensely “What is your name?” He asked his eyes scanning every inch of his Potter bod. “Harry, Harry Potter” instantly Draco’s eyes widened he grasped one of Harry’s hands in his staring deeply into his eyes.

“You’re my future husband. My soulmate my man, also known as my bitch one day we’re gonna have men babies together” he spoke in a casual tone before kissing Harry on the cheek “We’ll have our first kiss at Hogwarts” Draco released the brunette leaving with his finished robes, Harry turned to the confused worker “isn’t he dreamy?” 

Once in the Hogwarts express he befriended a ginger (Harry was pretty sure he was part of a cult) and met a strange girl called Hermione. Once they arrived at Hogwarts a teacher called professor Quirrell was there to guide them to the castle in the boats. He explained that the grounds keeper Hargrid had gotten himself into a little bit of trouble so he was filling in but the man stuttered all the while. 

Harry sat beside Ron from the ginger cult that Ron kept denying existing or being part of, Harry wasn’t buying it. Quirrell kept glancing at the brunette every chance he got which got annoying after a while, Harry didn’t like being noticed all of a sudden by people that knew him more than he knew about himself. 

Once inside Hogwarts the were guided into the hall by a witch professor called McGonagall she whispered to them before entering “I warn you children, I just finished my 5th cup of coffee” the pure blood students were utterly confused while half blood shook their heads meanwhile muggleborns felt utterly terrified, Harry didn’t give a fuck. 

Once they were all in the hall the sorting hat sang it’s song after that the actual sorting began, Hermione was sorted into Griffindor much to Ron’s dismay. Then Harry’s future husband was called up ‘Malfoy, Draco Malfoy’ he turned the name over in his mind. The blonde was sorted into Slytherin which he’d heard wasn’t on the best of terms with Griffindor. 

Ron told him that he’d likely get sorted into Griffindor like all his brothers had done, Harry’s parents had been in that house too so he felt drawn to that house. He hoped he’d be put into Griffindor to honour his parents plus he expected everyone here was expecting him to be in Griffindor. He could still get to know his future husband even if he was in a different house, Ron got sorted into Griffindor sending the table into exited cheers. 

Harry got called up sending the hall into unnerving silence he hesitantly sat on the stool feeling everyone’s eyes on him. He tried not to think about that looming fact and didn’t need to try as the hat spoke to him inside his head. “Oh my days a Potter and an Evans? Jily was canon after all I see, y’know I always thought Snape would get with Lily but then again he is a fuck up. Just had to mess up the only good thing he had didn’t he” the hat spoke to him in a casual manner making him feel confused.

“You have talent and a thirst to prove yourself... to your future husband Mr Malfoy oh oh my new OTP Mr Potter” the hat sang in his mind which creeped Harry out just a little. “I’d like to be in Griffindor sir hat, like my parents were I want to make them proud and-“ Harry was inturpted by the hats voice increased in volume.

“I think the fuck not! My otp will sail and I’m not letting you bromance it away like some shitty queerbaiting guilty show! No I know exactly where to put you” Harry winced his scar hurting a bit he rubbed it subtly “But-“ before Harry could reason with the hat it screamed out it’s decision into the silence of the hall “ Slytherin! My ship will sail!” 

McGonagall took out a flask from under her hat and gulped down some fire whiskey, Dumbledore watched her in distaste “ Minerva no” he murmured to which she slammed the flask down onto the table “Minerva yes bitch” she turned her head to her right looking down the table at Snape who eyed her with a glare. She pointedly glared back eyes beginning to squint “You want some you little bitch?” She asked the potions master whom raised his hands up in defence then flicked his hair like some L’Oréal model. 

Minerva climbed over the table taking the hat off Harry’s head watching Harry walk over to the Slytherin table, meanwhile seated students wondered on how she got to the table in the first place. Harry sat next to his future husband and watched the rest of the sorting, Draco insisted on telling him about a place called Pigfarts during Dumbledore’s speech. 

Dumbledore sighed as Minerva left the hall early he summoned the feast before grumbling to a professor beside him. 

Harry was in Slytherin with his future husband.... goals.

**Author's Note:**

> There isn’t a plot it’s just what I’m coming up with and it probably makes little sense but I don’t care.


End file.
